After years of doing the dirty work for a geezer better known as Khadgar, the Pirates were officially summoned to a secret base rarely visited by mere mortals: the Seat of the Pantheon. Excitement over bounty rewards quickly soured when the Pantheon presented yet another challenge. In order to extinguish the Burning Legion, the Pirates needed to sever Sargeras' demonic connection to the world soul of Argus. Obviously this would be accomplished by murder given the lack of diplomatic skills possessed by Pirates.
Aman'Thul and Co. dragged out the soul of the planet Argus and manifested it into a mortal form at the Seat of the Pantheon. The Pirates prepared to engage their strongest opponent yet, Argus the Unmaker, essentially a god corrupted by Sargeras and his forced husband that gave birth to billions of ugly demons. Argus had been crying for eons about the abusive nature of Sargeras. Legion intelligence forces detected the subversive calls for help and Sargeras reacted by deploying the fallen Aggramar as his personal jailer. Fortunately, the cries were eventually heard by a crew of noble invaders that frown upon domestic violence.
Pirates were ready to engage when a menacing green cloud appeared in space over Azeroth and the booming voice of Sargeras announced that his fighter Argus "will be your undoing." Argus unleashed a tormented roar and commenced the start of battle with a swing of his scythe. On a related note, Argus' unique sounds were produced because he had no lips. The assumption is that his lips were withered down from repeatedly deep throating Sargeras who is rumored to have the biggest cock in the universe. No matter how big your dick is, you will still fall to the ground from a cheap shot to the balls. After the titan sized blows metaphysically delivered to Sargeras' crotch during the fight, medical professionals stated that he will never seed another demon. How did Pirates defeat the most powerful being ever encountered in Azeroth's recorded history?
The key to success in battle against an almighty god is having half a dozen vengeful gods on your side. During the first stage of the encounter, Golganneth provided sea and sky flavored crack samples that granted superhuman strength. Before the drugs wore off, Golganneth swept away all of the toxic Death Fog created by Argus. During stage two, Aggramar lent a divine shield capable of withstanding shadow bomb detonations powerful enough to make the Tsar Bomba test look like a miniature special effect. As Argus weakened, Norgannon exposed an elemental vulnerability that opened a brief window for Aman'Thul to cast a stunning Temporal Blast that temporarily subdued the opponent. When Argus regained his senses, he raged and swung his scythe wildly enough to shred to death every single Pirate.
All seemed lost until Eonar summoned a majestic tree that sprung forth with life energy to free all Pirates from the grasp of Davy Jones. The last form of supernatural assistance came from Khaz'goroth who reforged players in his image. He gave the name titanforging to this strange form of magical possession and promised that anyone who prayed to him, or one of his monikers such as RNGesus, would continue to receive spiritual boosts. Titanforging made the Pirates bigger, faster and stronger in the vein of Americans. Not even a god could match the collective might of titanforged Pirates. Continuing an alarming trend, Argus thanked the Pirates for ending his torment and granting him freedom through death.
Aman'Thul lauded mortals on behalf of the Pantheon while Eonar announced that time's up for the abusive Sargeras. Pirates departed on the Vindicaar while the six remaining Pantheon members took their seats and channeled a great astral beam that pierced the green cloud enveloping Azeroth. Sargeras was pulled out of the cloud and manifested into a gigantic infernal form. While being sucked away, he whipped out a massive sword and thrust hard enough to penetrate deep into Azeroth. Sargeras also tried to grab the Vindicaar but missed as he was tractored into the Seat of the Pantheon. His jailer Illidan Stormrage promptly greeted Sargeras by shoving blades in his face. The Pantheon sealed themselves along with Sargeras and Illidan inside their base so hopefully the Burning Legion is fully contained.
Meanwhile, Pirates arrived back at home eager to collect their bounties and enjoy an all expenses paid trip to Disneyland. They were last publicly spotted singing a jolly tune that opens with the catchy lyrics "yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me." Elsewhere in the sands of Silithus, the blade of Sargeras towers above a gaping wound showing numerous signs of infection. An ominous aura suggests that the Heroes of Azeroth will need to be summoned again... and they will answer the call if the booty is just right.